Oh no.

I have precious little advice of any practicality to give to anyone on any subject. That said I have a few things to bring to the readers attention. Things that I wish someone had told me 45 minutes ago.

1. Never get emotionally attached to a girl with literary ambitions who outmatches you in recreational drug use.
2. Never reveal to said individual deepest fears, self-doubts, aspirations, sexual inadequacies etc.
3. Remove all trace of her from your mind as quickly as possible. Consider inflicting severe head trauma on yourself to speed up the transition.

Now this is why dear friend. Say perchance one evening bored after a long day you happen to think of that person that drove you completely fucking insane a few years ago. No problem right? Just thank God you bought a laptop for Christmas instead of that Glock. Oh but wait...
I was lucky enough to be born in the age of Google, WHERE EVERYTHING THIS PERSON HAS EVER WRITTEN IS AVAILABLE FOR ANONYMOUS VIEWING ONLINE. Within seconds I have a college folio...a short story submitted to some independent publisher in 2005...An essay submitted to the New York Times..an entry on urban dictionary with my last name by someone named "evil plan". Now I realize everyone who has an active social life on Facebook or whereabouts probably has this experience from time to time. But alas I was unprepared for the trove of writing this person amassed using me as a character.

How about some excerpts!

Here's a selection from a New York Times essay contest by the class of 2009:

When my schoolmates scattered across America to continue their educations and I stayed in Georgia, unbeknownst to me I became the homeward bound hub of summer break – a helpless observer to the breakdown of the American higher education system.

I wonder who I will use to represent this breakdown?

By the time Tommy came home for the summer, he had not made a single new friend from school. Thanks to the proliferation of technology, a more appealing alternate world of videogames and downloadable movies sequestered him in his dorm, in front of his computer. The rest of college was a nuisance to be tolerated until he could return to his room...

Spanning states and standards, John’s overconfidence, Hannah’s over-eagerness, Tommy’s insulation, and Claire’s indifference intersect at the modern university’s inability to provide students with any sort of formative experience distinct from the contributions of the rest of the world.

Does this condescension go to 11?

We know Johnny Depp and not James Dean, James Dean and not young Werther, and young Werther and not Hamlet. A classroom that teaches Plato and not PR does more to create an educated citizenry because a people well-versed in vocational skills and unable to utilize the wisdom of the ages are the first to become cogs in a wheel rather than true leaders and trailblazers. Students now do not have the necessary information to spend nights awake arguing, and the shallowness of our knowledge manifests itself in what can be ostensibly labeled apathy..