Always Sunny Quotes

"I got my magnum condoms and my wad of $100s. I'm ready to plow!"

"Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please."

Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into Jobland where jobs grow on little jobbies.

Mac: Charlie hold on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kinda cool but whats with the second half?

Charlie: It's about the night man, like you know like filling me up and I become him, I become the spirit of the night man.

Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.

Charlie: What dude, where are you getting that from?

Dennis: Alright, what's your favorite hobby?

Charlie: Magnets.

Dennis: Magnets- okay, making magnets, collecting magnets-

Mac: Playing with magnets?

Charlie: Just magnets.

There's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine cat food, beer and glue. It makes you feel like extemely sick and tired and you're able to fall asleep.

I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.

"Penis? No, it's a bicep!"

Frank Reynolds: "You don't hunt a man!"

"Aaaoooo, botched toe! I botched that one, ooh that's a botch job. It's bleedin. I need some trash to plug up the cut." - Frank

Mac: "A power bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power."

Dennis: "Actually Mac, you got it backwards. See a power bottom's actually generating all the power by doing most of the work."

“Then he smells crime again, he’s out busting heads. Then he’s back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime, back to the lab, full penetration. Crime, penetration, crime, full penetration, crime, penetration — And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.” -(Charlie and Mac Make a Movie.. involving Dolph Lundgren.)